Archive for January, 2007

Fun with Wikipedia.

January 31, 2007

So I was screwing around on Wikipedia, and I somehow got the idea that I should look up my hometown. I guess I’ve got Sauk Village on the brain these days–my parents are moving out of my childhood home this week and I am both relieved that they are leaving and a little sad that my parents’ house is no longer “home.”

Anyhow, I come across this little gem on the Sauk Village Wikipedia page:

“Prominent native sons of Sauk Village include Francoix Gueffier, Jon Ciaponi and Kenny “The Stilp” Stilp.”

Three things:

1. These guys all graduated from high school in 1991 with me.

2. I don’t think any of them are doing anything interesting with their lives.

3. John Ciapponi’s name is spelled incorrectly.

Seriously. If you’re going to put a shoutout to your friends on Wikipedia, can’t you at least spell their names correctly?

I used to call Francoix “marshmallow head” because his head was square. His retort, “nullified Nanette,” was not only lame, but it also did not make sense. Francoix and I were both double-promoted in elementary school, thus ensuring that we had a built-in rivalry until high school, when both of us stopped giving a shit.

John Ciapponi was the most popular boy in junior high, and we all know what happens to people who peak in junior high: they spend the rest of their lives trying to relive the glory of being twelve years old. I think he played drums in the band or something. My overarching memory of him is that there was a boy in junior high who said that he wanted to have a sex-change operation so they could date. The boy who said this is now out and proud and apparently a very successful interior designer, which means that he has probably done more in the last five minutes of his life that Mr. Ciapponi has done since eighth grade.

The only thing I remember about Kenny Stilp is that he had a really big nose. Apparently, he also had the World’s Lamest Nickname. Recipe for instant lame nickname: take last name, add “The.” Colin, you’re “The Brady” now. Tim? “The Donohue.” I guess this makes me “The Donohue” as well, so please don’t call my house and ask for “The Donohue.” It will only confuse everyone.

Besides, everyone knows that I am Sauk Village’s most prominent native. And I am totally willing to throw down and defend that title. To the death!

My parents are moving to Dyer, Indiana, which also has a Wikipedia page. And an awful motto: “Striving higher in Dyer.” I do believe that’s the community motto equivalent of “The Stilp.”

It is one of the “100 Best Places to Live in the U.S.,” according to Money Magazine. I find it hard to believe that something situated next to Sauk Village could kick that much ass, but I guess I’ll find out when I visit their new house.

Cute kid.

January 10, 2007

I am normally not the sort of person who is into kids. I do not generally think that kids are cute once they are older than, say, 18 months. As a matter of fact, kids tend to annoy me, and things that kid-lovers find cute, I find irritating. I do not coo and swoon every time a preschooler says something “clever.”

However, one of my co-workers has a 3-going-on-4 year old daughter who is really sharp, and she comes in every Wednesday for storytime. They always visit our department so she can see where Mommy works.

Today, we were talking about cats, and Rebecca was looking at the cat calendar that Tim made for me as a Christmas present. The calendar contains photos of our two cats* in various stages of mischief, repose, or cuteness. Cat people think it’s great and the most thoughtful gift ever; non-cat people vomit at the sight of it. She came across a particularly cute photo of our Lilycat, all wide eyes and blotchy calico fur, and she petted it and said “ooh, pretty!”

I thought that was the cutest thing. I guess I am getting soft in my old age.

*all taken by Tim, who has earned the title “noted Cat Photographer,” which I always pronounce in my Tyra-hosting-America’s-Next-Top-Model voice. We were talking about creating a mashup of the cats posing plus soundbites from ANTM, but we haven’t done that yet, so you can steal the idea if it amuses you as much as it amuses us.

Obsessions.

January 9, 2007

I have been obsessively listening to Boys and Girls in America by the Hold Steady. As in, the CD ends, and I press play again for the tenth time today. I have not been this obsessive about a CD since about a year ago, when My Morning Jacket’s Z didn’t leave the CD player for a month or two.

***

I have joined the local community concert band. I am last chair in the flute section. In case you were wondering, flute players are still the bitchiest people in the whole band, and trombone players are still weird. I sit right in front of the trombone section. I live in fear of valve oil and weirdness being applied to my person.

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I am very irritated with my in-laws for sending out a holiday photo card featuring a “family” photo containing me, scowling. I did not want my picture taken. I REALLY did not want the picture that I did not want taken sent out far and wide. Holiday photo cards are great if you have kids and you want to distribute photos of your kids. I got several of those and they are hanging on my fridge. But who the shit wants to see pictures of adults? Nobody does, unless they are very attractive and naked, and this card (obviously, and quite thankfully) fit neither of these criteria. Not that I have seen it. My parents have seen it, though, since my in-laws were kind enough to send them a copy. It was postmarked December 26, which makes me question their reasons behind sending my parents a copy. Were they sincerely sending holiday greetings to my parents, or were they hoping that my mommy would scold me for sullying their precious family moment with my scowly-face? Well, she didn’t. She just laughed at me and called it “the dorkiest thing she’s seen in a long time.”

Rule #1 of holiday photo cards: Nobody wants to see a holiday picture of you with your ADULT CHILDREN who DO NOT EVEN LIVE AT HOME. Your opportunity for this kind of crap passed you by in, say, 1987.

I swear those people bring out the sullen teen in me. And I am NEVER posing for a “family photo” with them again.

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I am likely the only person who is amused by my biennial posting schedule–right before ALA, twice a year. It’s not like I have nothing entertaining going on. I just forget about this thing.